At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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