so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
