I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
