I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I think my vagina is haunted
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
