All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
