Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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