I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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