Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
