my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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