you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
