its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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