i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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