I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
