Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
