What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
