I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
