Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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