So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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