I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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