So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
