2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
