I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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