I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Cover your peen. We're going out.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
