jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
