there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
