So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
