Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My balls are so social today.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
