That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
