He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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