My friends, they love my intelligence
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
