My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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