you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
