it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
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