Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
