he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Randomize
