wat bout pragnant strippers??
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
