I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
