I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
