apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
