That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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