The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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