Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
