just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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