I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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