It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
