He kissed a someone with a penis
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
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