One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
