I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
