The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
