I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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