My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
