I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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