I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
