i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
