Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
