if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just want nice things and good sex
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
