If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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