Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
